and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
