No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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