The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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