girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
