It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
