woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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