you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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