My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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