i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
