I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
