Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
