I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
