OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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