My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
