In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
