After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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