if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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