one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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