So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
