Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
