I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My vagina just clenched in fear
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
