There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
