I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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