Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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