tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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