So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
