Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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