I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
