Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
