Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
