Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
