Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
