Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
