Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
