dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
