I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
PANTIES FOUND
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