2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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