one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
