so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize