I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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