hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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