It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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