So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
