So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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