I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize