I'm going to jail i love you
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
