Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
