there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
