I will die if light touches me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You ate ashes out of my bong
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
