I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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