i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
