got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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