That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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