Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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