the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
