i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize