The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
