I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
