i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
