i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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