I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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