White coat. Heels.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
