it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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