The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
