i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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