Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
