Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
