everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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