If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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