Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
