hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
