I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
