a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
