Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
