I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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