yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
