i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
