Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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