So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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