I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
