Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
