Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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