Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
smell my finger.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
