Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
