I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize