Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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