I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
